Sunday, August 30, 2009

hunger pangs


i walked in on the boys playtime to discover that they had been scavenging through the closet. strewn all about the floor were many pink themed items from my "girl box". the girl box is a collaboration of tiny baby girl items that i have acquired over time. a few were clearanced items that i could not pass up. my first bathing suit was tucked nicely in as well as some crocheted hats that i had experimented with a few winters ago. there is a vintage cross stitch i bought from the local thrift store and a vintage baby doll bed, sister to this one, that i hope will one day adorn our first pink bedroom.

seeing all these things flung across the floor made me laugh at myself and my determination to one day have a daughter. gage had carefully placed his lego man and bean bag frog on the bed and covered them with a wash cloth. as i looked at it he placed his finger over his mouth and said "shh. baby sleeping." i was reminded how i love being a mommy to boys more than i ever thought i could. i gathered up the items, except the cozy bed of course which was apparently in use, and gently placed them all back in their box. while doing this i realized something. i am hungry for a baby. very very hungry. every picture i see, every tiny outfit makes me realize it more and more.

in all our baby planning the hubby and i concluded that we would like to keep a two year gap between each child. we stuck to that with gage and garrett. our baby graced the world when gage was the tender age of twenty-five months. it was probably a bit more difficult at the beginning but they are best friends now. they play so well together and i love it. as you can imagine when garrett's first birthday came and went so quickly i started rethinking the two year gap. i think i had convinced myself that the new trend would be three years...or at least two and a half. i really really had felt determined then. the same thing happened with garrett.

gage turned one and the hubby started bringing up the two year plan and i covered my ears and made ridiculous noises with my tongue. well, not really, that's just what i felt like doing. i was sure i wasn't ready. that went on for a few months until one morning i woke up and i wanted a baby, what's more, i wanted to be pregnant. actually wanting to be pregnant, that is when you know it's time. that's not a feeling you get often, especially when you have experienced it once. and what a blessing that change of heart has been.

so here i am. where i told myself i would not be. at least not so soon. i still have some time as the baby hunger has preceded the desire to actually experience pregnancy. and as this could be the last pregnancy, i have been praying for a little girl to complete our family. and then there has been the occasional request for twins, every girl needs a sister i think.

{sorry to mislead you guys. no pregnant lady here. hope you all can forgive me. }

8 comments:

Fullerton Family said...

I totally know what you're saying. I swore that Jaci would be AT LEAST 3 before we attempted another one, but one day at the beginning of the year I woke up and wanted a little, tiny, snuggly baby. Then came the actual desire to pregnant, and I knew I was a goner! I hope you get your little girl soon, they are far too much fun. (Twins would be so fun, too!)

Lee said...

I know how you feel Ashley. I have to keep back and hold down those feeling everyday. I am determined not to have another one till sometime next year, but my hunger for one may just eat me alive! I wish you the best with everything.

Mary said...

You little trickster!

All the wise planning in the world means nothing when the Spirit begins to whisper to you. That's what is really happening here. Be sure to listen; you wouldn't want to miss out on the little spirit preparing to join your family--girl or boy--just because your plan seems wise right now. Heavenly Father's plan may be just a little wiser!

{nicole coombs} said...

Let me warn you now! Get rid of your "pink box"! I have an Aunt who desperatly wanted a baby girl after two or so boys she bought a dress that she kept tucked away. She was certain it would get used I guess. But it took 7 pregnancies and 6 boys before that Girl came!! Sounds like your not going to be trying 6 times either! I also think that you should have lots of babies cause you make good ones.

The Bishop Family said...

It's a hard feeling to fight I know! I told Ronnie after Daelyn was born that was it! I don't want any more but the more I think about it, the more I want another! You see though...I have a thing with odd numbers, so for us it wouldn't be 1 more...it would have to be 2! I'm not sure if I'm that brave!

Kendyl said...

oh my goodness. you had me going...... well good luck .. ive got lots of pink around my joint

sara,mike,rhett,and gage said...

I have to say I am right there with you but still am gonna wait a while. my husband is already done with kids but I'm not! A girl would be great for me also considering I have all boys surrounding me in my family and I was an only girl with 5 brothers and 3 stepbrothers!

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