the failed perspective of a twenty-six-year-old

last year, on the evening of my twenty-sixth birthday, i sat in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant feeling wretchedly sorry for myself.  with my two grumpy boys in the backseat and my very pregnant and swollen self in the front seat, we munched away at fries and chicken strips.  that was my lackluster birthday dinner.  i felt lonely, i felt fat, i felt homesick for arizona and family and friends and i just mostly felt like i was experiencing a terrible day.

today i came across the blog of a family who lost their beautiful seven-month-old daughter on that twenty-sixth birthday of mine.  it felt kind of like a huge slap across the face as i watched the video of her short life story.  i vividly remembered my attitude and feelings on that day in my life and i felt incredibly ungrateful.  as this young couple watched their child slip away from them, there i sat with my two perfectly healthy sons wishing that i could have a moment's peace from the whines and cries and fighting.  there i sat feeling uncomfortable and fat as my body housed yet another healthy and beautiful child.  a daughter who i had been dreaming of for years.

i am grateful for that slap to the face.  i feel like i could use a few more of them from time to time.  here in my own little bubble it is so easy to lose sight of the rest of the world.  it's sometimes hard to fathom that the person you pass by in the grocery store actually has a life that is just as real and full and messy as your own.  i feel ashamed that i spend so much of my time immersed in my troubles, that i sometimes fail to recognize my great abundance of blessings.

if i could go back to august 12th, 2011 i would march those grumpy boys right into that restaurant for dinner.  i would call those people who i missed so much and let them know how special they always made my birthdays feel rather than whining about them being so far away.  i would put my hands on that baby belly and appreciate it with all the extra ashley it entailed.  i would say a prayer of gratitude for an amazing body that was working so hard to bring my precious little girl into this world.  i would call my husband and tell him how i was looking forward to celebrating my birthday with him when he was finally home from work and school.  i would thank him for all that he was doing for our family. 

the thing about this life that we live though, is that we don't have the luxury of takesies-backsies.  instead we have the opportunity of learning and improving ourselves with every misstep.  it's hard sometimes to square with myself and accept that i don't always do the right thing.  but thank goodness that from time to time i stumble upon the good sense to do just that and then move forward as a slightly better version of myself.

i promise to face this month with a new perspective.  one where i see my blessings more clearly.  one where i see the hardships of others more clearly.  one where i don't wish that kelsie would just let me put her down so i could get something done.  one where i don't think it is my children's goal to give me gray hair before my next birthday.  one where i speak gently.  one where i don't give up on patience.  one where i give more love.  one where i find more love for myself.  one where i accept love graciously.

looks like i have a lot of straightening up to do.  say a little prayer for me.

xoxo. ash

a day for mother

i have been busy today being showered with love, cheating on my diet and just being mom.

we enjoyed lunch today with my mother-in-law. she is a sweet, sweet woman who i love. she did a wonderful job in raising the boy that would one day be my husband and i am so grateful to her for that.

dinner was had with my mother. she is a wonderfully caring and talented woman. i love her very very much. she is so gifted and has taught me so much. i would not be the woman i am today without her. she is amazing.

it was a wonderful day to celebrate the blessing of all the beautiful women in my life. and also to thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of motherhood and His entrusting these beautiful boys to me. i love being their mother.

as we drove home from show low the hubby and i listened to some journey as garrett slept and gage prodded me for one of my famous foot massages. once i was able to sneak my hands away from his soft little feet i laid my head on the hubby's shoulder and rested my hand on his thigh, just like the olden days. i sang along and he just kept quiet as i butchered a few classics. one of his mother's day gifts to me i suppose.

it really was such a nice day.

happy mother's day to all of you amazing women out there!

all my love, ash

xoxox

{an attitude of gratitude}

I had planned to abstain from blogging through the rest of the week but today these words rang through my ears. It has been years and years since I had heard them spoken but they came back to me at such an opportune time. I wanted to share them with you all. What a wonderful time to reflect.

"This is a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. While there are some things wrong in the world today, there are many things right, such as teachers who teach, ministers who minister, marriages that make it, parents who sacrifice, and friends who help.

We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues."

~President Thomas S. Monson

I love this entire talk. To read it in it's entirety click {here}.

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you and your families!

{loves.ash}

I am a mommy.
Better yet, I am mommy to 2 beautiful bright-eyed boys who love me.

I am a wife.
My Hubby is a hard working, fun-loving, blue eyed hunk. And so proud of our wee ones.

I love MANY people. And I am loved by MANY.

I live in the mountains.
I get to cuddle up next to the fire in the winter and breathe in the crisp clean air right after the snow fall.

I am healthy.

My family is healthy.

I am blessed.

I am a child of God.

And that's why there is sunshine.

MY BOYS

WOW! The past 2 weeks have flown by in a gigantic blur! I'm exhausted in every sense of the word...frazzled beyond any frazzling I have ever experienced...and yet I could NOT be happier! I've been changing diapers constantly and juggling between feeding Garrett and feeding Gage and fitting in some playing time for the wound up two year old boy and somewhere in there getting us all cleaned up so we don't stink! Our nights have been steadily improving! Thank goodness for a baby who wakes up only ONCE a night! He is such a content little guy! Gage was actually keeping me up more than Garrett but I'm happy to say that the past few nights he has slept all through the night! Yay! And you know, I haven't actually cooked a dinner since before Garrett was born! I'll have to come up with something good once I finally hit the kitchen again! I'm so thankful for all the help I've had! Matt has really stepped up his game this time around! He's made dinner, cleaned, taken Gage out with him, given me an AWESOME back massage and accompanied me to doctors appointments! Thank you babe!!! Anyways...so I'm loving being with these 2 little boys all day! Gage absolutely is crazy about Garrett! I think he gives him an average of 30 kisses a day! He runs for the pacifier when he hears him cry! He gives him an extra little push in his swing when he thinks it's going too slow! (which mom is kindly trying to stop) He wipes away his milk mustache when he's done eating and brings him extra blankets when he's snoozing in the bassinet! Last night while I was cleaning up dinner he really surprised me! Garrett was sleeping in his crib and I THOUGHT Gage was playing in his bedroom...well I walked down the hall and lo and behold, Gage had climbed his cute little hiney into the crib (not a small task) and was sitting in there rubbing Garrett's head and "singing" to him! It was precious! I'm going to have to keep that door locked from now on when Garrett's snoozing though! I just love being their mommy! It will be so fun for them to grow up so close together! For the most part Gage has really adjusted well. There are a few episodes that I'm pretty sure are due to him not having ALL the attention on him, but those are becoming less frequent...yay!

HERE HE IS!

GARRETT MARSHALL BROOMALL was born JULY 2ND at 10:24 PM! He was 8 LBS 3 OZ and 21 1/2 INCHES long! He is a beautiful, healthy little boy and we are so happy to have him here in our home finally! Gage loves HIS baby and has been so helpful already! We feel so BLESSED to have 2 PERFECT LITTLE BOYS! Garrett has such a sweet demeanor and is already so alert to everything and everyone around him! We are so thankful for his safe arrival and LOVE HIM so much already!

Way past due!

Matt and I recently celebrated our 3rd Anniversary! That's crazy to me...time has flown by! We have already had so many things happen in our lives and we can't wait for all of the exciting things that lay ahead! We have a perfect little boy who is almost 2 and keeping us as busy as can be, and we have another little boy on the way! Yes that is an announcement...we finally know it's a boy! We couldn't be happier! It is so awesome for us to grow together as a family! We are loving life and loving eachother and could not ask for anything more!

Week Five/ Water

So I know this is kind of silly...but I am so grateful for water! Yay for water! I love a nice cold cup of water when I'm feeling tired, grumpy, hot, dry, have a headache...the list could go on and on! Nothing can satisfy like water! And also, who doesn't love ice?! Some way or another you're going to need ice for something...little owies, big owies, luke warm drinks, homemade smoothies, homemade ice cream (yummy!)...so many things! And of course I love my warm showers and bubble baths! During my high school years...nothing beat going to Moylen's pond! I loved to go there during the summer and swim the day away! And all my life I have had an obsession with the ocean! It just calls my name! I can't think of any better vacation than a day at the beach! Earth consists majorly of water...as do our bodies...and I just think that water is the greatest thing ever and so easily taken for granted! So I just wanted to say today that I LOVE water and am so thankful for all the many ways that it makes my life happy!

WEEK FOUR/ My Grandpa Burke!

I am so grateful for my Grandpa Burke! When I was little he would take us on all kinds of outings that I loved and still love! We would go camping, have cook-outs, go out to the river, hiking...all kinds of fun things! I always thought that he was the invincible man! For the last few years he has been struggling with his health but he doesn't let it slow him down as much as it could! I remember a few years ago at our family reunion he and my uncle Mont (his brother) hopped onto a four wheeler to go riding...this would be pretty normal for most people, but my Grandpa had to stay on oxygen while he was out there. So my uncle Mont rigged up a little seat for the oxygen tank, bungeed it down, and they took off! I wish I had a picture! It's just the perfect visualization of my Grandpa! He definitley has made the most of his life and I'm so thankful for his example in my own life! I feel so blessed to have had him so close throughout my childhood and I just hope that Gage will get to experience some of the things that I was able to!



This is us when we went and cut wood with him and some of my family last fall! I think he can still swing an axe better than me! I sure do love this man!

WEEK THREE/ Four Seasons

So I am especially thankful to live in such a beautiful place in the world! I think I take our lovely weather for granted sometimes! I've always been the kind that tries to enjoy the season I am in to it's fullest...but I will admit that towards the end I am thinking, bring on something new! It's awesome to me that we get to experience the best of every season! In the winter we get the beautiful snow (that makes the cold bareable), spring is great with the warming weather that is so perfect that I just want to spend all day out in my yard, summer gets some toasty warmness (hot but not too hot) just enough to make you want to jump in a lake or pond or run through the sprinklers, and fall is BEAUTIFUL! All the colors changing and the weather turning crisp, preparing for the cold winter....and it all begins again! I love it! I don't know if I could live in the constant cold or constant heat....doesn't quite sound like my cup of tea! I am so happy to live where I live and so grateful for God's beautiful creations that make everything so enjoyable!

WEEK TWO/ Motherhood

I think this week I have realized and appreciated more my gift of motherhood. I've had some reflection time on the person that I am now and the person I was before my beautiful baby boy came into my life! I don't think that I was ever a bad person, but my perspective on life in many ways has changed. Motherhood is just a spectacular thing! Everything about it is amazing in my eyes. I look at Gage and I am baffled at the thought that I had a part in bringing him to this earth! He is so little now, but his impact on this world will only grow with him! During Christmas, anytime I would hear the song "Mary Did You Know", it honestly brought tears to my eyes! I don't have a clue what Gage has in store for him, but I know that he is capable of anything and I just pray that he will grow to know that too!

I use to be the kind of person that would rarely leave the house without my hair fixed or something somewhat nice on. And if I didn't think my house looked perfect, nobody could come over! Don't get me wrong, I still would PREFER for those things to be true today but I have realized that those are some of the things in life that aren't really that important. I can put the laundry or the scrubbing aside and spend some time with Gage and that is really what counts! I can never take back the time that I have with him TODAY and that makes me want to make the most of every day with him! I am so blessed to be able to be home with him almost 24/7! I love it! There is nothing I would rather do!

I could fulfill all of my life's dreams and then some and I am positive that nothing I could do would ever be as fulfilling as being a mother and watching my children grow up! I am so grateful that God saw fit to send me such a wonderful little boy (and another little bundle on the way)! Our children can come to us in so many different ways and I believe they are all just as special! I will never be the same person I was. I never truely knew what joy was or what it meant to "swell with pride"! And on the other hand I never understood what it meant to be concerned for or to hurt for such a tiny person. I think possibly my heart grew a whole size! I will forever be honored to be a mother and a caretaker of my Heavenly Fathers children! What a huge responsibility and blessing!

So much to be thankful for!

So I am kind of stealing this idea, but I thought it would be really good for me! Back when I was loyal to writing in my journal I would write one thing a day that I was grateful for. I realized when I did that, that it could be the smallest things that stuck out in my day that I could thank my Heavenly Father for. I have SO many things to be thankful for! So I am going to post one thing a week (at least that's my plan) that I am grateful for. So I guess this is my kick-off week and I will start with my hubby! I am so thankful to have him in my life! He honestly is my best friend! There are definitley times when I think that no one in the world could make me so mad... but on the other end, nobody could make me so happy! I am grateful that he has chosen to live such a good life and be such a great person. He works SO hard for our family and I know that he always will. And I can't imagine Gage having a better daddy! Matt is goo-goo eyed for our little man! That is one of the greatest blessings in my life, seeing their relationship! I love that they are so crazy about eachother! He is an awesome husband, father, son, brother, friend, framer, hunter, etc.... pretty much anything he puts his mind to, he does great at! I love him and want to spend forever with him and our family!

What a cute baby boy!

From what I hear he was quite the soccer player!

He sure turned out handsome

Me and my man!

Gage wants to be just like his daddy!