in the here and now

tonight i rocked my baby girl to sleep with the blinds open. raindrops dripped down the window in bright Christmas colors from the icicle lights matthew draped our home with nearly a month ago. Christmastime in texas has been less of a shock on my system this time around. almost normal even. the idea of a cloudy and wet Christmas morning sounds nearly as cozy as those Christmas mornings in the mountains when i woke up to a world blanketed in fluffy white snow and a fire glowing warm in the corner fireplace.

lost in my thoughts i nearly missed the low growling of thunder. but nothing could distract me from the lightning that woke up the whole night sky. the street illuminated and i looked down at my arms to see a flash of sleeping babe. there she lay, snuggled in her mama's arms with her perfectly juicy cheeks and sweet puckery lips. her arms crossed her chest as they do quite often. she has a knack for looking cherubic.

before i was old enough to have any reasonable desire for children, i dreamed of this girl. a happy little dream. the reality of her is so much better than i could have ever dreamed up. she is soft and warm and fuzzy in all the right places. when she smiles her whole mouth opens up wide and her eyes twinkle. her little button nose scrunches up and when the smile is gone you can find a hint of a crease leftover on the bridge. she roots into my chest within minutes of filling her belly just because it comforts her. she snorts and grunts like no man's business but in fleeting moments finds the perfect coo to melt my heart. she transforms our rough and tough little boys into tender little men who just drip with gooey sweetness for their baby sister. and a daddy of boys is now a daddy to a little girl. it amazes me how such a little woman could change a grown man in the way that she has. he's like butter in her hands. and i'm sure he's already shining up those shotguns of his.

of all the things that texas has offered us, this sweet bundle is far and away the very best. our own little certified texan gal.

as i rocked and rocked there next to the window i found the beauty in this new kind of Christmas. and i realized that there is more beauty to be found in this new kind of life than i have been willing to give credit. i have overextended my stay in the past and i've wasted more time than i should admit trying to dream up the perfect future. but right here i was living in the perfect moment. which is where i should stay, in the here and now and make the very best of it. because one day this will be the past. my babies will be grown and living in lives of their own. the struggles of a young family will disappear and i will remember only the excitement and thrills of a young family in a new place and a new season.

thirty years from now i may be sitting next to a roaring fire, watching snow fall and rocking a grandbaby in my arms. and when i remember this soggy night in texas i will miss it and be ever so grateful to have lived in it.

family photo by the sweet lacey newman.