on mothers and becoming a mother::part one

part 1 of 4

in april of 2005, to my complete surprise, i found that i was pregnant.  i was nineteen years old and a newlywed of two months.  i was shocked but excited, but shocked.  when i broke the news to matt, his shock made my shock look like a mere little surprise.  we decided to keep it to ourselves for the time being.  i scheduled an appointment with my doctor for the next week and went about business as usual, toting around our little secret.

by the end of that week my concoction of shock and excitement had turned into pure unbridled joy.  being a mother had always been my ultimate desire.  i had been doodling my future posterity's names since i was eight years old.  truly we had intended to start our family a year or two down the road, but here we were and i wasn't going to let a change of plans take away from the joy i knew i could feel.  matt had a steady, well-paying job.  i worked for an insurance agency and had some of the best insurance coverage a nineteen year old newlywed could have.  as far as i could see there was no reason to worry.


{read part 2}